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All Work...

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Mar. 13th, 2014 | 10:24 pm

I know logically that I had a day off of work last Saturday but it was filled with errands. Working 6-7 days a week is starting to take its toll and delirium is starting to set in. This hinders my mental capacities and if I remember, hah, I'll try to remember to take my vitamins including ginkgo and hopefully it will help some. It is also giving me physical exhaustion so my hands are starting to randomly drop things, fumbling and the like, leaning and bumping into walls/tables like I'm drunk. Am having constipation, irregular facial twitches and an overall lower immune system with the obvious loss of energy and feelings of tiredness.

The good news is that the exhaustion is letting my mind wander and once I can tell all the utter bullshit/depression to go away, actual progress seems to be made. Random flickers of shadow and light, color and scents, feelings of whispering breath on my flesh.

I just need to remember that my role is to be 'on' all the time and this is just something I'm going to have to get used to since I have zero possibility for me/purely alone time now... God I've GOT to get her a job asap for my and her own sanity regardless of financial woes. Her being awake while I'm sleeping is fucking with my sleeping schedule because if she's awake then I should be awake to serve and this is really not good.. I've never had problems sleeping...not good at all...

But oh the visions, the tears, the attempts at meditation that fade into rest and sleep oh too quickly. Maybe one day...

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